My Reality Show

A crazy idea that came about during a blog roll has come to fruition…

Here’s the setup:

(What follows is a fictional account of a reality show based upon the lives and interactions of a group of bloggers from around the country who are brought together to share a luxury log home in the mountains of Helena, Montana. Each of these very talented writers has agreed to share part of their time and creativity by advancing the story-line of this fictional reality show in turns, following one another’s lead and taking the story wherever their twisted little minds want it to go. Readers who want to follow along are encouraged to visit each of these blogs frequently to keep up with the tale as it progresses, and comments, suggestions, and snarky remarks are welcome! The following “cast” of misfits will share a beautiful mansion, where they will live together, interact, and try to write while putting up with the annoying people who suddenly clutter up their lives:

Sonia from LogAllot, Quincy from Thank, Q for Common Sense, Michelle W. from Mommy Confessions, Michelle R. from Rantings of the Reckmonster, Lynn from Thoughts of A Randomista, Falen from Colorful Rants of A Fed Up Sista, Brandon from My Own Private Idaho, and Alexandra from the Tsaritsa sez. The show’s very reluctant host is Bob from Squatlo Rant.)

Now don’t start reading the finale without starting from scratch. I promise you that it will be worth it!

Squatlo Rant: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part I
LogAllot: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part II
Thank, Q: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part III
Mommy Confessions: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part IV
Reckmosnter: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part V
TOAR: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part VI
Colorful Rants: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part VII
My Own Private Idaho: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part VIII
the Tsaritsa sez: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part IX

I opened my eyes. It’s morning. We’ve spent weeks on this show and we’ve basically accomplished nothing. I’ve already had calls from multiple talk shows asking for an appearance. I have three upcoming cover shoots for People, Jet, and U.S. Weekly magazines. My agent… yes, I now have an agent… just informed me that I now have my first endorsement in an Adidas commercial with Dwight Howard’s baby’s momma. If that goes well, maybe I’ll get a commercial with Dwight. All of this attention. All of this success. For what? For getting on television, in a house, with a bunch of crazy people and being as unproductive as possible.

Now I know what it feels like to be a Kardashian.

Season Finale

I go into the den and step over the bodies on the floor all covered in red paint. What in the world happened last night? Still unsure of what Brandon put in Alex’s brownies, I go over to the pan to check for leftovers to inspect. Not a crumb. The entire pan was consumed and the end-result was Reck lying on the floor with her legs across Lynn’s chest. Brandon was face down on the couch and Falen was on his back. Alex was asleep on the table and Sonia was napping underneath it. Wait. Where’s Michelle? I looked in Bob’s man cave, I checked poolside, and I even went through the bedrooms. No Michelle. I make my way over to the intercom. “Warren?”

“Yes, sir?” he replied.

“Have you seen Michelle?” I asked.

“No, sir, I’m afraid that no one has left the premises.” he responded.

“Okay, thanks,” I said with a hesitation as I tried to backtrack on where she could be. “Let me know if you see her.”

I walk over to Lynn and throw Reck’s leg off of her. “Lynn, wake up!” I shouted while tugging on her shirt.

“Just make it quick and try not to make a mess, okay?” she responded as she rolled onto her stomach while still half-asleep.

“Huh?” I asked.

“Don’t wake me if you can’t take me,” she mumbled just seconds before resuming a quiet snore.

Shaking my head, I stepped over to Reckmonster. “Reck, wake up!” I shouted.

Reck woke up with both fists balled up. “Man, don’t roll up on me like that while I’m sleeping!” she exclaimed. “You almost got ‘past-tensed!'”

Ignoring her, I started, “I’ve searched the house and I can’t find Michelle. Get up and help me look for her.”

Reck pops up and starts to search for her other boot. She wakes up Sonia and we all go upstairs to get out of the clothes covered in red paint. 10 minutes later, we’re hopping in the limo and Warren is taking us into town. We’re not supposed to travel alone which leaves us very concerned about Michelle. As many of the locals we had partying with us last night, there’s no telling who may have been invited in Bob’s place. There’s been so much pandemonium as of late that anything could have happened.

We stop at the grocery store and shopping mall with no sign of Michelle. “Could be getting a drink?,” Sonia asked.

“For breakfast?,” Reck followed with a twisted look on her face.

“Yeah, like a mimosa or something,” finished Sonia. “Let’s check out Tall Tails.”

Warren drives us over to the bar and we check inside. We asked Helga if she’s seen Michelle and she replies that she hasn’t. After a brief search of the premises, we turn to leave and as we reach the door, we hear someone scream out, “YOU!!!!!!”

The bar goes silent as we all turn around and this hulking figure is coming towards us. “Grizz?,” I start. “I thought you were in jail!”

“No, I’m not Grizz!,” he said with an evil grin on his face. “I’m his twin brother, Stanley.”

Reck bursts out into laughter. Everyone turns and looks at her wondering what in the world was so funny. Reck catches her breath just long enough to belt out, “Your brother is called ‘Grizz’ and you’re ‘Stanley’? Bwu-ha-ha-haaa!”

“Reck, what are you doing?,” Sonia whispered with a chuckle.

Then Sonia starts laughing. And before you know it, everyone is laughing… except for Stanley, of course. Stanley’s face slowly transitioned from a look of anger to a look of humilation. I said,”Look, er.. uh, Stanley (room bursts into laughter again). You are aware of what we did to Grizz, aren’t you?”

Stanley reluctantly nods. “You don’t want the same thing to happen to you, do you?,” I said with growing confidence.

Stanley shakes his head as he looks towards the ground. “Then go back there to your seat and enjoy your food and there will be no trouble,” Reck instructed. “You’re not nearly the tough guy that your brother is.”

A dejected and embarrassed Stanley turns around and mopes back to his table. We all go outside and take a look at one another and exhale in relief. Sonia asked, “What were you going to do if he charged at us?”

“I was going to grab the salt shaker off of the table and throw it at him,” Reck said.

“You were going to hit that beast with a salt shaker?,” I asked her. “That’s like hitting Godzilla with a Tic Tac!”

“And what exactly were you going to do, Q?” asked Sonia.

“I had a plan!,” I snapped.

“A health plan is the only plan you had,” started Sonia. “He would’ve hospitalized you.”

“Get in the car!” I said ignoring the response.

We pull into the driveway of the mansion and our worst nightmare has come to fruition. Bob and his wife just got out of a taxi in front of the mansion. He and his wife cut their vacation short. They couldn’t stand it any longer knowing what we’ve done to their home. We could hear Bob fussing, as he got out of the cab, about how his limo driver wasn’t available to pick him up at the airport. Bob and his wife turn around as the limo pulls into the courtyard. As we get out, he screams, “Why is Michelle on my roof!!!!????”

We look up on the second floor and there was Michelle taking a nap on a canopy over the second floor balcony. “Holy Hangover,” Reck started, “how did she get up there? And what in the world did Brandon put in those brownies?”

All of this time we’ve been looking for her and she never left the property. “Warren,” Bob started, “get her down before she falls and sues me.”

Bob and his wife leave their luggage outside and start walking towards the house. Sonia is running down the street behind the departing taxi. She’s trying to catch a ride away from the mansion before Bob reaches inside. Reck and I don’t know whether to stall him or just let him go inside and get it over with.

We decide to stay outside and not follow them in the mansion. Sonia has made her way back into the courtyard after losing a 100 yard dash to a taxi that wasn’t interested in giving her an escape route from “The Squatlos.”

Bob and his wife go through the door… (pulsing heartbeat)

To find out what happened when Bob got inside, then be sure to check out each blogger’s confessionals! Each person who participated in the story will give a brief summary of what Bob and/or his wife said to them once they got into the house and witnessed the destruction of his home to the hands of eight bloggers. The confessionals will all be eventually linked to this post. Thanks to everyone who kept up with the storyline!

My Own Private Idaho: Confessional

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