Archive for the ‘sex’ Category

I was watching the “Amber Rose Show” just recently.  In all honesty, I was watching the show for all of the wrong reasons.  I just think that Amber Rose is smoking hot, so I decided to tune in.  But the show was so awful that I know that I won’t be watching it again.

The entire show was basically Amber Rose asking women questions about sex.  Women were disclosing everything from how many side dudes they’ve had to being on top during sex.  Some people call it “women empowerment” and other people call it “women being promiscuous”.  Whatever you want to call it is totally dependent on your upbringing.

As for my upbringing, I was taught that sex was something sacred.  You didn’t share what you did with everyone.  It was deemed disrespectful to your partner to discuss your sexual experiences with them to someone else.

Fast forward to today and everyone is doing it.  People are getting on TV, radio, and social media and discussing their sex lives like they’re talking about their day at work or something.  I watched Amber Rose talk about sex for her entire show except for the last segment (which was only a couple of minutes long).  She “interviewed” rapper, T.I., and asked him his favorite sex position, the craziest place he’s had sex, and if he masturbated.

I was thinking to myself, “how in the world are kids going to not be teen parents if all they see on TV is how much fun sex is?”

I guarantee you that there are a ton of kids under 18 years old watching Amber’s show and shows like hers.  It’s not like parents pay attention to what their children watch.  A ton of the girls watching probably want to be Amber Rose and a ton of boys want a girl like her.  She has a glamorous lifestyle and makes a lot of money for basically doing nothing truly talented.  Who wouldn’t want that life?

But, back to the topic… Sex isn’t sacred any more.  People will tell you all of their business without any thoughts to how you feel about it or how their partner would feel if they found out.  And if you feel awkward discussing it with them, then you’re looked at as someone abnormal.  A conversation that may have been reserved to close friends and siblings is now something you can get from a coworker you barely know.

In roughly 30 years, the United States has done a 180 degree turn around in morals.  Sex is “empowering” and not something kept private.  Cursing is simply just talking and not something done out of the public’s earshot.  Being reckless with your life is no longer scolded, but it is praised by everyone for you “expressing yourself” (and sometimes rewarded with money and fame).

Nothing is sacred any more.  TV has dumbed down in 30 years what took hundreds of years to create.  The end result is me watching Amber Rose ask a woman if she has a side dude (actually, “dude” wasn’t the d-word that she used) and this young lady must have named 10+ guys.  She was applauded for it.

To each their own, I guess.  It makes me wonder what conversations are parents having in households across the U.S. with their children?  Is this type of thing even being discussed?  Based on what I’m seeing on TV, it is being discussed.  Just by celebrities instead of parents.


I’m going to keep this simple because relationships aren’t as complex as we make it out to be. They only become complicated when one person doesn’t put forth an effort to please the other one. It only takes one person to ruin a couple, right?

Here’s a list of things you can do to spice up your sex life:

1. Cook. ‘Nuff said.

2. Clean. Who wants to come home to a messy house and have to worry about cleaning it up?

3. (If applicable) Make sure that the kids are accommodated. Check homework, give them a bath, set up play date, etc.

4. Shut up and give your mate some quiet time. Don’t bombard them with constant chatter. That’s what your friends are for.

5. Be interested in what he/she has to say. Stop thinking that your stories are important and no one else’s is.

6. Gifts, gifts, gifts. The amount of the gifts aren’t important.

7. (If you live together) Pay your share of the bills in a timely fashion. Don’t have them wondering if something is going to be disconnected because of your lack of responsibility.

How do all of these things improve your sex life? All of them are stress relievers! Doing any combination of at least six things on that list means that your mate has less on his/her plate in which to be concerned. And what do all of us get in the mood for when we have no worries in life? You’re welcome!

50 Shades of Hype

Posted: February 19, 2015 in movies, protest, sex, women

Let me first say that the title is not in reference to the movie itself. It’s in reference to the critics who have come out against the movie… I saw “50 Shades of Grey” last Friday. It’s not the type of movie that I’d see at the theater, but I was out with The Lady and she had interest in it. The night before there were local news stories galore of people boycotting the movie because it promoted domestic violence. Well, to those people I have to say, “you obviously didn’t see the movie.”

I think that they’re basing that complaint on either what they’ve heard or read. There were people who said that the movie promoted lust and sin. Well, to those people I have to say, “you’re absolutely right.” LOL! However, so do a majority of primtetime TV shows you same critics enjoy. John 8:7 much? Be consistent is all I’m saying. No one likes a “hypo-Christian” (hypocrite).

As far as the movie goes, I actually enjoyed it. I’ve never read the book nor do I have a desire for that, but the movie was a solid 7 out of 10 for me. The first hour was really good as the characters developed. The second hour kind of dragged on a bit too long for me, but it wasn’t bad by any means. It just kind of lost my interest for a bit. However, I think that the average person would enjoy the movie as the main characters both played their roles very well. I would definitely be interested in the sequel.

To speak on the domestic violence angle, there wasn’t any. Maybe the book plays out differently, but the movie didn’t have any domestic violence or degradation of women whatsoever. Everything was consensual and nothing was ever forced. In fact, Christian Grey, the lead character, constantly gave Anastasia Steele options to leave at any time if she didn’t approve of something. Aside from some “stalkerish” tendencies Christian had, the movie wasn’t something worth protesting in my opinion.  Again, I’m a guy, so take it for what it’s worth. However, The Lady seemed to agree with me on that point.

Now, the sex. I know that’s what a lot of people who have yet to see the movie want to know the most about. In my opinion, the sex was no more than what I’ve seen in movies like “Fatal Attraction” with Michael Douglas or Glenn Close. It definitely wasn’t as graphic as Lisa Bonet and Mickey Rourke in “Angel Heart.” I still have nightmares about that one. It was just movie sex. Not as bad as Cinemax, but bad enough for those under 17 to not be allowed to see it. No frontal nudity or anything.  In fact, if it weren’t for the nudity, this movie wouldn’t have been any more provocative than an episode of “Scandal” or “How to Get Away with Murder.”

So, let’s do away with the “50 Shades of Hype” for those trying to condemn this movie. It’s just a movie. And if you are chomping at the bit to criticize it then can you at least see it first? Do what a majority of social media participants don’t do and make an informed decision.

Welcome to another installment of “XX vs XY” as I mix it up with a female guest blogger! This is a series that you will see every now and then that takes a view point from a woman’s perspective and puts it against my viewpoint from a man’s perspective. The guest and I won’t necessarily be challenging each other on a topic, but instead will be discussing it from our points of view. It could be two totally different angles on the same subject which will display how the genders’ minds work. 

Who is this female guest I’m speaking of? She’s Marrie Lobel from the award-winning Dirty in Public website! She has a great blog and she’s one half of an amazing podcast on relationships called Mr. n Mrs. Romance. So, without further ado… Take it away, Marrie…

People Who Pass Judgment on Sexual Behavior


Threesomes, BDSM, or public sex; when it comes to sexual fantasies, where’s the line between cool kink and scary freak? From my observations judgments lay between what an individual has done and what scares the shit out of them. Arbitrary verdicts about what is “normal” or “nauseating” are made based on feeling aroused or utterly disgusted. Meaning judgments aren’t passed out of reverence for a 3000 year old book or a respected family member’s teaching but from personal experience and pleasure.

When discussing sexual fantasies and desires among consenting adults, more can be said about those passing judgment than those who respectfully explore their sexuality. In reality there is no “normal” and qualifying an erotic thought as deviant, atypical or abnormal depends on the person being asked and when a large sample were asked their answers revealed there is no typical. Of course there are pathological sexual behaviors; those that involve non-consent or pain to achieve sexual satisfaction, for example, but those are not what most typically encounter and rarely harbor sanctuary.

Frankly, when someone judges another’s sexual desire or behavior as “bad” or “abnormal” I feel it exposes their own insecurities about their own sexuality and their inability to open their mind to alternative ways of thinking. By saying this I’m not encouraging anyone to betray their own comfort levels but to accept others are different. Simply chalk it up to sexual compatibility…or lack thereof. 

It’s true the key to any relationship involving sexual intimacy, whether it’s a one night stand or long term commitment, requires both involved to feel chemistry, consent, respect, and pleasure; however, when it comes to pleasure, each of us experience it differently. One person’s naughty can be the others’ nice. So, next time rather than playing Santa (unless that’s the kink) by banishing them to the naughty list consider freeing your mind and letting go of judgments.

Now it’s my turn. There are a lot of people in the world.  That means that there are a lot of different tastes and preferences.  Who am I to judge or say that someone’s preference of something is wrong because it doesn’t equal mine?  Especially when it comes to sex.

I’m from the Bible Belt state of Mississippi where sex is often taught to us as being a bad thing.  It’s rarely taught as anything involving pleasure.  It’s almost as if it’s strictly for reproduction and never for recreation.  These same people who have made themselves authority figures over sex also preside over what’s considered “acceptable” sex and what’s not.

As far as I’m concerned, when it comes to sex: do you.  Whatever makes you happy that isn’t illegal is quite alright with me.  If you want to tie someone up, use fruit, or even bring in an additional person or two then that’s your business.  If you want to abstain from sex altogether until marriage then that’s fine, too.  Yet some are even criticized for doing that which is absolutely ridiculous.

I’m sure most of the people who are judging are either participating in some of the same acts or have done even more kinkier stuff.  How many times have we seen a male politician bash gay people during a campaign only to get caught with his pants down (literally) with another man?  Or someone who has a strong stance on prostitution but gets caught in the back seat of a Cadillac with a hooker?  Or maybe they’re just mad because they can’t find someone to do freaky stuff with them.

What makes a person quick to say “what happens in your bedroom is your business” but then turn around and criticize people who “aren’t the norm”?  The hypocrisy is overwhelming in this country if you ask me.  There is no “norm” when it comes to sex.  There are plenty of things that I would never do, but I won’t hate on someone if that’s their thing.  Criticizing someone for their sexual preferences is like criticizing someone who orders coffee off of Starbucks menu that you don’t like.  Just because you don’t drink it doesn’t mean that it’s wrong for someone else to try it.  If you don’t like it then don’t order it.

It’s just that simple.

Next on “XX vs XY” will be Tasha Mac

Okay, so I understand that people have different views which is what makes us so unique.  But, some views tend to make me scratch my head a bit.  Especially when it comes to sex.  It’s not a very popular topic among certain groups of people, but sex is the only reason any of us are even here.

So, in regards to something that is essential to life itself, why is it viewed as something dirty and disgusting?  Can it be that way?  Absolutely, depending on how open-minded you may or may not be.  But, the act itself is as natural as anything on this planet and it’s time to stop demonizing it.


I grew up in a traditional Baptist church.  A lot of churches teach sex as if it’s a bad thing.  That it’s something that makes you unclean.  Depending on your religion, that could be true in some cases, but they don’t differentiate the cases.  You’re brought up to think that it’s simply a bad thing.  To top it off, not all churches explain that sex can be about more than just having babies.  Sex can be something spouses can enjoy together.  You can still enjoy sex and “keep it holy” if you read more than you listen.  That usually gets lost somewhere in the “teachings.”


So many women get brought up to think that their private parts are always off limits.  If you have sex with a lot of guys then you’re a slut.  If I had a daughter then I’d probably teach her the same thing, too.  #Hypocrite LOL!  However, in the spirit of fairness I’ll be open-minded on this one, too.

A woman who enjoys sex is not a slut.  Now, that doesn’t mean go out and do Bangfest 2014, but it does mean that it’s okay if you have those urges.  Be responsible and use common sense and if it does happen, then it just happens.  Don’t let a man tell you that if he sleeps with 50 women he’s a “playa,” but if you sleep with 50 men you’re a “ho.”


Some people are afraid to let their “freak flag fly” even when they’ve locked down that special someone.  Why?  Why would you commit the rest of your life with someone you can’t be yourself around?

Look, if people remained virgins until marriage then these topics wouldn’t be much of an issue.  That’s not the case.  A very small group of people in the U.S. make it to marriage as a virgin couple.  Regardless if you’re a first-timer or a veteran, you should still be able to be yourself in the bedroom with your spouse.  Don’t be afraid to try new things.  If you’ve always had an open line of communication with your spouse then it shouldn’t take them by surprise anyway.  Communication is the key to a happy marriage in and out of the bedroom.

Like everything else in the world, sex can be fun if you have the right approach.  You can enjoy yourself and still wake up in the morning feeling respected if you make the right decisions.  It’s more than just 50 pumps and a walk of shame if you choose it to be.  Don’t let society dictate what’s right for you.  If you want to wait until marriage then I’ll encourage you to do so.  If you want to “get it in” before marriage then I’ll encourage you to use protection and make sure the person you’re with is responsible and respects you.

Either way sex isn’t dirty unless you’re in the mud.  It’s a beautiful thing.





That is an example of the nervous twitch my eye had when I came across this phenomenon.  Taking selfies after having sex and then sharing it with the world.  In a country where people complain about having surveillance cameras on street corners for protection is a violation of privacy, we have people sharing the after-shocks of their sex faces.

(Deep breath)

I guess that I shouldn’t be surprised by this.  Social media has created an illusion that everyday people are Hollywood stars.  It’s created an attitude that a person has fans who care what they’re doing every single minute of the day.  Because of that, nothing is sacred any more.

Now, I realize that I’m 42 years old and I’m not too far away from telling kids to “get off of my lawn!”  However, that doesn’t mean that I never did anything stupid when I was young.  I know that kids will be kids and do things that 40-somethings and above will not understand.  But, the difference I see in my generation and younger generations is that we did appear to have more pride in ourselves.  Some things will still sacred to us.  To them it’s just trying to get attention and responses from their “fans.”

Because of that, I refuse to search for #ToiletTweet for fear of what I will find.

How did we wind up parenting a generation where nothing appears to be sacred?

Dude, keep your private life to yourself.