Archive for the ‘conflict’ Category

(written 5.8.16)

Okay, so I’ve been waiting to see Captain America 3 since it was announced a couple of years ago.  I’m a single guy, so I found myself in a situation in having to find someone to watch the movie with me.  After all, I’ve never been one to do movies solo.  So, I decided to call a few people to see if they were available.

I called and asked one lady if she was interested and she told me “no.”  She wasn’t into comic book movies.  I appreciated her honesty.  I don’t know if she’s ever given the Marvel movies a try or not, but I guess she knows her limits.

I texted another young lady and she was busy attending a Beyonce concert in Houston and wasn’t able to go.  Beyonce is a ticket just as hot as Captain America around these parts.

So, the 3rd time’s the charm, right?  Yeah. that’s what I hoped.  Worst. Movie. Experience. Ever.

Never see a Marvel movie with a non-fan.  Just don’t do it.  I asked her if she’d ever seen any of the other Captain America movies and she said “no.”  I should have hit the eject button at that point.  When people don’t understand the backstory to characters and the concept of super powers, then it can get very annoying in the theater.

“How can the red head survive these fights without super powers?”

“Does Captain America’s shield give him powers?”

“Why is Spider-Man a boy?  Wasn’t he grown in the last movie?”

“Jeremy Renner doesn’t do anything except shoot arrows?”

Well, that one is a legitimate question.

Anyhoo, the questions became so much for me to handle that I simply asked her to take mental notes and I’d answer the questions after the movie.  That was also a waste of time.

Needless to say, she thought that it was the worst movie she’d ever seen.  I thought that it was an awesome movie.

Memo to self: when you see X-Men this weekend, take someone who has seen and enjoys Marvel movies.


There are so many bad things going on in the black community and some changes need to be made. That includes education, jobs, crime, and more. However, something that definitely needs to change is the dynamic between black men and black women.

We as black people have gotten so out of hand that we don’t think that a relationship is normal unless it’s combative. How crazy is that?  We think that loud, brash females are “strong” and that disrespectful, aloof males are “hard.”

We’re confused.

Black baby mamas and daddies try to get leverage on one another (at the expense of the child).  Black men and women always want to say what the other gender is doing wrong without ever evaluating themselves.

We sometimes have no interest in doing what’s right, but more interest in doing what feels right. It doesn’t matter if it sets a bad example for our kids or not. It doesn’t matter if it could affect our job status.  It doesn’t even matter if it contradicts something in the Bible that we’ve read. If we feel it then we do it. It’s completely counterproductive and stupid to think like this.

The dynamic between black men and black women is atrocious and has been for decades now. Every new interaction between a black man and black woman is potentially a bad experience. A black man’s approach to a black woman can get sideways pretty quick and those who have been around it know that I speak the truth.

Some black guys treat every woman the same way.  They make no attempts on trying to distinguish a corporate woman from a THOT.  Ladies are all just lips, hips, and finger tips to these guys.  They step to them all the same disrespectful way and ruin her day with immature foolishness.

These guys make it very difficult for a man with good intentions to even get her attention.  She gets so many disrespectful Facebook inbox messages and so many “Say, Slim?” remarks at the gas station that things of that nature make her assume that the next guy, who may be nice, will be as “thirsty” as the last guy that approached.

On the flip side, some black women tend to think that just by being a black man that you have to accept certain qualities about her.  Some feel that you must allow and account for her less than pleasant and negative reactions to different things simply because “it’s what black women do.”  As if not putting up with stereotypical black woman qualities, that have made reality TV billions, somehow make you less of a man.  That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.  You’re proud of being an a-hole?  Really?  SMH.  Act like a lady and maybe someone out there will treat you like one.

So, much has to change in the black communities, but the relationship between the black man and black woman may be the most important one. Once that’s solved then everything else will start to fall in place. But it can only happen if both sides treat each other with respect and that task should start with the men.

I know that a lot of guys are frowning and mentally throwing shade on the post because you expect women to do everything first, but there’s a reason why I say that:  Black women have never stopped loving black men.  Despite our differences, the frustration from some women is the fact that they still love us, yet we don’t reciprocate the love.  We’ve abandoned her in a storm (it doesn’t matter the reason) and she’s waiting in the rain for us to come back.  It’s up to us as men, to get our women out of the storm.

The very essence of a man is that you take the lead! That doesn’t mean in some things, but in all things. That includes extending an olive branch to our sistas to reclaim the relationships that we once had back in my parent’s generation.

Love, honor, respect, and and most importantly, protect her and she will love you in return with an undying passion.  Her uplifting words will give you the confidence to take on and defeat any of life’s obstacles.

When a man loves a woman he elevates her to another level. She’s unlike any other woman which is what makes her so special to him. But, what causes a man to lose that vision that he has of his perfect angel? It can be quite a few things that can knock a woman down from her pedal and 99% of the time it’s of her own doing. It’s a shame how women lose their queen status sometimes.

Men have a hard time committing.  We have a huge fear of things changing after saying “I do.”  She’ll stop dressing sexy.  She’ll start coming to bed in over-sized flannel pajamas instead of the sexy panties she once wore.  She’ll stop cooking.  She’ll monopolize your time.  The list goes on.  These are things guys honestly fear because every guy knows plenty of men who deal with some or all of those things in their life.

However, at some point in a long term relationship we do reach that point of commitment.  We realize that it’s something about this particular one that makes her different than all of the others.  She becomes a queen.  At this point it appears as if she can do no wrong.  You’re constantly thinking of her and wanting to do things for her.  You schedule your entire life around her.  And then it happens…

She does something stupid.
  • She attempts or successfully cheats.  Well, that’s self-explanatory.
  • She embarrasses him.  Drawing attention to yourself for the wrong reasons (being loud, having a bad attitude, publicly “putting him in his place,” etc.) can all lead to being single.  You rarely get a man back once you emasculate and/or humiliate him.  He should never feel ashamed of you.
  • Not giving 100% in the relationship.  If a man who treats you like a queen is treated less than a king, then it can lead to a demotion.  Make sure that your efforts mirror his.  Don’t let him feel as if his efforts are unappreciated or in vain.  Reciprocate whenever you can.  Men like to smile, too.  Don’t say “thank you” and think that he’ll be okay with that each and every time.  Over time even that can become hollow.
  • Putting him 2nd.  Everyone has a busy life, but when he starts to feel slighted then you run the risk of someone else stealing the spotlight from you.  If you can’t be with him as much as you once could then at least make the most of the time that you can spend with him.  Make sure that you prioritize your time and that he’s a part of it.  Men generally enjoy having free time which means he’ll be okay with your schedule as long as he’s a part of it.
  • You’re not there for him.  This kind of goes with the last one that I listed.  Men are notorious for not communicating, but we do have our moments.  If he wants to talk and you don’t want to or have time to listen then over time he’ll find someone who will.  The average guy doesn’t come home from work with some crazy story like some stereotypes say about women.  But when he does then he’ll expect you to grant him an audience as he may have done for you in times past.
  • You don’t support him.  Sure his garage band will probably never sign a record deal.  You still should be his biggest fan.  Regardless if you like his talents or not you should still do what you can to help him reach whatever that dream is.  You may not attend every performance, but you can help pass out flyers or whatever is needed to push it along.  As long as whatever the hobby is isn’t affecting the house note then try to be supportive in his endeavors.  It’s keeping him occupied.
  • You smother him.  This will scare a man out of a relationship quicker than anything.  We’ve heard some ladies say “my man is my best friend.”  It’s not what a couple should want out of their relationship.  Your man is your man and nothing else.  You wouldn’t run to your man when you’re having problems with him, would you?  Stop thinking that you have to constantly be in his face like you’re living a lifelong slumber party.  He needs his space and frankly, so do you.  Allow time to be away from one another so that you can appreciate each other that much more when you come back together.  Don’t let work be your only break from him.  
  • Listen to him.  Men are solution-oriented.  It doesn’t mean that we’re always right because we’re not.  It just means that in order for us to have peace of mind we will work hard to figure something out.  We don’t like to sweep things under the rug because we know that only leads to a lumpy carpet.  If a man ever offers constructive criticism to you then at least pay attention to it.  You may not agree, but if you get defensive about it then it can lead to trouble later.  He’ll just stop telling you if there’s something about you or something that you do that he doesn’t like.  Once he decides to keep those things bottled inside to avoid hurting your feelings or facing conflict then at some point it will all come out in a most unpleasant way.  No one likes having their feelings hurt, but if it can make you a better person then why not listen?  If he feels as if he can’t talk to you about certain things then you two really don’t have much of a relationship, do you? 
Most guys don’t ask for much.  We like food, sex and peace.  Three simple things can help us get through even the toughest of weeks.  If we lack any of those three then we’re probably not going to be completely happy.  Some guys value one of those three things more than the other so ladies may want to figure that out and focus on it.  If he likes your cooking then why wouldn’t you cook for him whenever possible?  If he enjoys making love with you then why deprive him (and yourself) of it?  If he embraces peace then don’t meet him at the door after work with a problem that isn’t even important.  His actions show that he wants to be with you.  Don’t let your actions change that.

Also, let me add that this post doesn’t apply to guys who are habitual cheaters, woman beaters, drunks, etc.  You can do everything right and still not please guy like that.  You should avoid those type of guys anyway.  This post applies to good guys who actually want to get married someday.  The good guys who aren’t afraid of commitment and family.

This blog post isn’t from a place of “a machismo dude putting women in their place.”  Those who read me regularly know that I’m very blunt when it comes to almost anything that I discuss.  This post is to help ladies understand why guys lose interest.  It helps to understand why his mind seems as if it’s always elsewhere.  It helps to find out why he always seems happiest when you’re not around.  It helps to figure out why he dated you for two years yet married someone else after dating her for only 8 months.

It may seem somewhat harsh and that’s unintentional, but it’s the truth based on what I’ve seen in my 42 years on this planet.  And I’d love to read a female version of what men can do to lose “king status” from a woman.

So, if you left my page thinking to yourself, “who is he to tell me how I should treat a man?” then you’re probably not queen material anyway.

Is it wrong or too much pressure for a man to view his woman as a queen?

I think that it’s ridiculous the number of people that I encounter who have entitlement issues.  Being active on Twitter and Facebook will subject you to so many people who no idea what it takes to be a decent human being yet alone maintain a relationship or a friendship.

Since when did “I get what I want or else” become the standard for relationships/friendships?

Reality TV is the epitome of what not to do in a relationship or marriage.  The reality shows that are centered around family basically show one spouse trying to one-up the other.  It’s all about leverage.  One person is constantly trying to have his or her way without any regards to the other person’s feelings.  It’s the most pathetic way for any couple to live.

Sadly, our kids are being brought up in this environment and yes, they will be worse.  Why?  Because it’s all they know in regards to how relationships work (unless their parents teach them otherwise).  People around 30 years old and up grew up with shows like The Cosby Show or Family Ties.  They know what a normal family looks like.

People between 20-30 grew up on Martin, Living Single, Seinfeld and other shows that promoted shacking or fast-moving relationships.  You didn’t see too many marriages in the 90’s in regards to popular sitcoms.

People under 20 watched The Simple Life, Jersey Shore, Real Housewives of (Insert City Here), Love & Hip-Hop, etc.  They’ve seen nothing but dysfunction in regards to relationships and family structure.  They see constant examples of people disrespecting their mate, family, friends and even themselves.  They think that if someone isn’t doing what they want them to do, then it’s okay to do things to hurt them emotionally, verbally and in some cases physically.

That treatment has now become the standard for a lot of people.  If someone says something to hurt their mate’s feelings, then there are no apologies.  There is no understanding.  Just a “sucks to be you” attitude is all you’ll get from the offender.  Because if you don’t agree with them then you’re their enemy.  It’s personal.  You’re against them.  “How dare you not see my point of view although I don’t care about yours!”

When it comes to friendship, if you find yourself not caring what someone thinks of you, then something is wrong.  I’m not saying that a person’s opinion of you defines who you are, but I am saying that something is fundamentally wrong with someone who is okay with having enemies.

How many of these ignorant memes have you seen on IG:

“Trust gets you killed?” Uh, who are you trusting? Scarface?

I’m not even sure if I know what this means, but it had a ton of Likes on IG.

Excuse the language on the photo, but I wanted to show the pure ignorance that exists in cyberspace.  IG is a place where people with absolutely nothing to say have an audience.  It just reinforces the bad attitudes that we see in society.  If your friend seems to be spending more time with other people than you, then you call them “fake.”  If your mate doesn’t do the things you want them to do, then they’re disrespecting you.  Relationships and friendships grow harder and harder to maintain every day because people just can’t see that their attitude is the problem and not the people around them.

I spend a lot of time chatting with people online and talking to them on radio shows and podcasts.  They all ask the same questions about having friends or a significant other yet refuse to believe that everything starts with them.  Whenever I ask about what they bring to the table they go into defense mode.  It’s always someone else’s fault.  SMH.

What brings about that sense of entitlement that makes a person think they’re always right?

>This is a Q Service Announcement! Be on the look out for this individual:

Perpetrator: Gossip Girls
Crime: Pollution

Their mission is to fill the your ear with poison. Be careful of these people because they are con artists. They’ll pretend to care about your problem only to get enough info to spread your story to whoever will listen. They’re not your friends, they’re low budget reporters looking for a headline.

“Girl, I heard Larry left you for a stripper. Is this true? You poor thing!”

Don’t even front, you like that stripper name, “Thunderclap”, don’t you? Some thieving showgirl will steal that name and make millions off of my idea.

Anyway, the GG’s will fish around for information until they have enough to “run their story” a la Ron Burgundy (That’s an “Anchorman” reference for those paying attention — You need Netflix in your life!).

The easiest way to avoid these people is to keep your business to yourself. If you don’t crow it, they won’t know it. Do like my man Sid said and remove the wood that fuels the fire.