How Women Lose Their Queen Status

Posted: March 9, 2014 in commitment, conflict, marriage, men, relationships, women

When a man loves a woman he elevates her to another level. She’s unlike any other woman which is what makes her so special to him. But, what causes a man to lose that vision that he has of his perfect angel? It can be quite a few things that can knock a woman down from her pedal and 99% of the time it’s of her own doing. It’s a shame how women lose their queen status sometimes.

Men have a hard time committing.  We have a huge fear of things changing after saying “I do.”  She’ll stop dressing sexy.  She’ll start coming to bed in over-sized flannel pajamas instead of the sexy panties she once wore.  She’ll stop cooking.  She’ll monopolize your time.  The list goes on.  These are things guys honestly fear because every guy knows plenty of men who deal with some or all of those things in their life.

However, at some point in a long term relationship we do reach that point of commitment.  We realize that it’s something about this particular one that makes her different than all of the others.  She becomes a queen.  At this point it appears as if she can do no wrong.  You’re constantly thinking of her and wanting to do things for her.  You schedule your entire life around her.  And then it happens…

She does something stupid.
  • She attempts or successfully cheats.  Well, that’s self-explanatory.
  • She embarrasses him.  Drawing attention to yourself for the wrong reasons (being loud, having a bad attitude, publicly “putting him in his place,” etc.) can all lead to being single.  You rarely get a man back once you emasculate and/or humiliate him.  He should never feel ashamed of you.
  • Not giving 100% in the relationship.  If a man who treats you like a queen is treated less than a king, then it can lead to a demotion.  Make sure that your efforts mirror his.  Don’t let him feel as if his efforts are unappreciated or in vain.  Reciprocate whenever you can.  Men like to smile, too.  Don’t say “thank you” and think that he’ll be okay with that each and every time.  Over time even that can become hollow.
  • Putting him 2nd.  Everyone has a busy life, but when he starts to feel slighted then you run the risk of someone else stealing the spotlight from you.  If you can’t be with him as much as you once could then at least make the most of the time that you can spend with him.  Make sure that you prioritize your time and that he’s a part of it.  Men generally enjoy having free time which means he’ll be okay with your schedule as long as he’s a part of it.
  • You’re not there for him.  This kind of goes with the last one that I listed.  Men are notorious for not communicating, but we do have our moments.  If he wants to talk and you don’t want to or have time to listen then over time he’ll find someone who will.  The average guy doesn’t come home from work with some crazy story like some stereotypes say about women.  But when he does then he’ll expect you to grant him an audience as he may have done for you in times past.
  • You don’t support him.  Sure his garage band will probably never sign a record deal.  You still should be his biggest fan.  Regardless if you like his talents or not you should still do what you can to help him reach whatever that dream is.  You may not attend every performance, but you can help pass out flyers or whatever is needed to push it along.  As long as whatever the hobby is isn’t affecting the house note then try to be supportive in his endeavors.  It’s keeping him occupied.
  • You smother him.  This will scare a man out of a relationship quicker than anything.  We’ve heard some ladies say “my man is my best friend.”  It’s not what a couple should want out of their relationship.  Your man is your man and nothing else.  You wouldn’t run to your man when you’re having problems with him, would you?  Stop thinking that you have to constantly be in his face like you’re living a lifelong slumber party.  He needs his space and frankly, so do you.  Allow time to be away from one another so that you can appreciate each other that much more when you come back together.  Don’t let work be your only break from him.  
  • Listen to him.  Men are solution-oriented.  It doesn’t mean that we’re always right because we’re not.  It just means that in order for us to have peace of mind we will work hard to figure something out.  We don’t like to sweep things under the rug because we know that only leads to a lumpy carpet.  If a man ever offers constructive criticism to you then at least pay attention to it.  You may not agree, but if you get defensive about it then it can lead to trouble later.  He’ll just stop telling you if there’s something about you or something that you do that he doesn’t like.  Once he decides to keep those things bottled inside to avoid hurting your feelings or facing conflict then at some point it will all come out in a most unpleasant way.  No one likes having their feelings hurt, but if it can make you a better person then why not listen?  If he feels as if he can’t talk to you about certain things then you two really don’t have much of a relationship, do you? 
Most guys don’t ask for much.  We like food, sex and peace.  Three simple things can help us get through even the toughest of weeks.  If we lack any of those three then we’re probably not going to be completely happy.  Some guys value one of those three things more than the other so ladies may want to figure that out and focus on it.  If he likes your cooking then why wouldn’t you cook for him whenever possible?  If he enjoys making love with you then why deprive him (and yourself) of it?  If he embraces peace then don’t meet him at the door after work with a problem that isn’t even important.  His actions show that he wants to be with you.  Don’t let your actions change that.

Also, let me add that this post doesn’t apply to guys who are habitual cheaters, woman beaters, drunks, etc.  You can do everything right and still not please guy like that.  You should avoid those type of guys anyway.  This post applies to good guys who actually want to get married someday.  The good guys who aren’t afraid of commitment and family.

This blog post isn’t from a place of “a machismo dude putting women in their place.”  Those who read me regularly know that I’m very blunt when it comes to almost anything that I discuss.  This post is to help ladies understand why guys lose interest.  It helps to understand why his mind seems as if it’s always elsewhere.  It helps to find out why he always seems happiest when you’re not around.  It helps to figure out why he dated you for two years yet married someone else after dating her for only 8 months.

It may seem somewhat harsh and that’s unintentional, but it’s the truth based on what I’ve seen in my 42 years on this planet.  And I’d love to read a female version of what men can do to lose “king status” from a woman.

So, if you left my page thinking to yourself, “who is he to tell me how I should treat a man?” then you’re probably not queen material anyway.

Is it wrong or too much pressure for a man to view his woman as a queen?
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Comments
  1. The Boss Lady Agrees and I Endorse This Message! Queens it's not to late to reclaim your Crown! Simply don't be that Women! #BossMentality

  2. Quincy S says:

    Exactly! It's not hard treating someone the way they're treating you. Thanks for chiming in, Bosslady.

  3. Louida says:

    And I approve this message!

  4. Suzie A. says:

    I agree with your points Q. They are ALL very important and I would say the reverse is true. Women want the same thing. The problem is that when people do treat their partner like a “Queen” or “King” the partner needs to be appreciate and reciprocate. Great list and great post!!

  5. I approve the message but do think if someone is being held to unrealistic expectations both parties can get set up for a serious fall! However, f the status comes with acceptance for who their partner truly is…than pass the crown. As for the list of things women do to tarnish their reign…couldn't add a thing! What men do that cause their Kingly status to wobble, well…

  6. Quincy S says:

    Thanks, Suzie! When both have the same mindset then the union is perfect! It's sad that both rarely do so.

  7. Quincy S says:

    Do tell! LOL! What can men do to get dethroned?

  8. Great post Q. However, men shouldn't be quick to dethrone a woman if she is coming up a little shorter than she once had. Do an assessment of the relationship. Someone may have a busier schedule or more priorities than they once did. As long as the woman is trying, and same for men, people shouldn't be quick to dethrone and say “next please.”

  9. Quincy S says:

    Thanks. You're right. I'm not saying there aren't variables involved. Kids, career and other unforeseen circumstances can change things. “Effort” is the keyword and people need to be honest in assessing it in others or in themselves.

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