Relationship Guide: Missed Opportunities

Posted: August 3, 2013 in relationships, selfish

People these days tend to focus on the wrong things when it comes to relationships.  Focusing on the big things will likely result in your relationship failing.  Sure, some big things are really exciting and make you feel good, but the small things are what truly matter.

Look at it this way: focusing only on the big things is like getting a bonus at work, but not getting a salary.  Makes sense?  The salary sustains your everyday life while the bonus allows you a chance to partake in luxuries now and then.  If you don’t have the everyday security of a salary, then your life is that much more difficult while you sit around waiting on bonus time.  Approach relationships with the mindset of:

If I try each day to make their life easier, then I’m doing my job as a significant other.

Encourage them when they’re discouraged.  Run an errand for them when they’re busy.  Flirt with them when they’re not confident.  Surprise them with something when it’s not an occasion for it.  It is just that simple.  Those are some of the small things that have a huge impact on a relationship.  If that’s not your mindset, then your relationship will ultimately fail.  I guarantee you that.

However, despite it being so easy to accomplish, people still tend to not go that route.  Some people want to dazzle you with things that have a huge immediate impact, but no long-term value.  They want to impress you with an expensive gift.  They want to win your heart through sex/attraction.  They talk about all the things they want to do for you, but never actually do it.  It’s all smoke and mirrors.  People like that are incapable of caring and most of them are just plain selfish.  They do things periodically not because they care, but to “shut you up” or “throw you a bone.”

A perfect example would be a business man.  He may go out of town regularly and doesn’t have a lot of time to spend with/see his wife.  He can be out of town all week, but once he gets home on the weekends, what he does determines what kind of marriage they truly have.

A) The “throw you a bone” guy will come home with a new piece of jewelry to give to her.   He’ll buy her an expensive dinner.  He’ll talk to her about what he spent the week doing on the job.

If you’re okay with “A,” then chances are, you’re materialistic and incapable of a real relationship.  That’s fine as long as you can admit that.  “A” sounds like a good choice until it’s realize that the jewelry is essentially a muzzle for the wife.  It buys silence while the football game is on.  The expensive dinner is a mutual benefit because it means that neither of them has to actually cook.  Telling her about his job can be nice, but wouldn’t it also be nice for him to want to know how her week was, too?

People who love one another will make each other’s lives easier every chance that they get.

To be in a successful relationship, both parties have to truly care for one another.  This means by always trying to make the other person smile, keeping them out of harmful situations, and of course, doing the small things that make their life easier.  Let’s look at person “B:”

B) The man who truly cares will come home and be the partner in the relationship that his wife needs him to be.  He’ll not make a mess of the house.  He’ll help with / spend time with his children.  He’ll give his wife the emotional and physical attention that she’s been missing all week.

So, for those of you who are in a relationship, I want you to honestly evaluate yourself for just a moment.  Ask yourself: what did I do this week to make my man/woman happy?  If your answer is “had sex with him/her,” “bought him/her something expensive,” then the ending of your relationship is inevitable.

Do you think that most people just don’t know what “caring for someone” truly is?

  1. Anonymous says:

    I agree that most people don't know what caring for someone really means. We have become so consumed with instant gratification that we have begun to equate love with material things. The little things do make the greatest impact. I am all too familiar with the "throw you a bone" concept (the story of my life).

  2. Q. If I ever have another relationship, will you be my counselor? It seems that the most-uttered words from my ladies' lips are, "Mooner, you don't have a clue."And why is it that they won't clue you in after saying this? Maybe if they would tell me what I'm doing wrong I could improve. Then again, old dog…

  3. Thank, Q says:

    So sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, it is the direction society is leaning more and more each day. It's frustrating knowing that we live in a country filled with people who only care about themselves.

  4. Thank, Q says:

    LOL! Mooner, I'm with you on that! If I don't have a clue, then give me one. Makes perfect sense to me! As for being a counselor, I'm not sure that the world wants me influencing someone's thought process. πŸ™‚

  5. Very well said. If 1 person is selfish then the relationship is doomed before it began.

  6. Thank, Q says:

    Pretty much! Thanks.

  7. It's true you should make an effort to be consistently caring, but you should also be aware that some of us boys are just dumb. You actually do need to tell us when we're not giving you the attention you need or deserve, because sometimes we are honestly just unaware that what we are doing is not enough.

  8. Thank, Q says:

    I agree. If no one tells us things are bad, then all is well to us most of the time. We haven't a clue at times! :)Thanks for chiming in!

  9. Marrie Lobel says:

    "If I try each day to make their life easier, then I'm doing my job as a significant other." YES! THIS! I think I love you, Q! A man is sexiest when he is there for you! I mean truly present! A way to a good woman's heart is not presents but presence! That old meme that shows a man is sexiest when doing dishes…it isn't because he is doing the dishes; it's because he is choosing to be considerate. But women must step up also. Men aren't stupid; they just aren't mind readers! If a man isn't making a woman feel appreciated or supported then she needs to tell him [in a pleasant, non-nag way} how he can. ❀ it!

  10. Love this … you need to make your partner's world a better place just like they should do the same to you. No relationship is perfect but you can make it easier by being considerate and being appreciative of every effort. Treat others as you'd like to be treated … simple? right? Not always. Great post!

  11. Thank, Q says:

    Thanks, Marrie! I'm blushing over here. πŸ™‚

  12. Thank, Q says:

    Thanks, SDD! People who truly love each other will make each other's life easier. It's the little things that make a big difference. Performing a task so they don't have to do it. Bringing them a glass of water on a hot day. Those type of things speak volumes.

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