Can A Mate Veto Your Outfit?

Posted: June 26, 2012 in beauty, relationship, storytelling

It’s Friday night and you’ve just finished up a long week of work. Your significant other calls you and wants to go out for a night of dining and dancing. You look in the closet and reach towards the back for that special outfit your mate has never seen. You put it on and you feel sexier than Marilyn Monroe at a JFK function.

Your mate arrives at your house and you open the door all the way so that they can take in a good view of your outfit. Your mate smiles in appreciation but then quickly says, “you’re not wearing that.”

 (record scratch) 

Is it wrong for your mate to say that you’re “dressed too sexy” if you look like Pamela Anderson at a rave?  Is it wrong for your mate to say that you’re “humiliating them” by wearing the same outfit Burt Reynolds did in “Smokey & The Bandit?”

I have only experienced this dilemma once in my life. I was dating a girl and I thought that she was very attractive. She had a booty that just wouldn’t quit. She had more cheeks than a chipmunk with the mumps.

Anyhoo, we were going out to a nightclub (which I didn’t like doing with women) and I went to pick her up. She came out of the house in what was basically a cat suit. Of course, I was stunned because she did look amazing in it, however, I thought about how many other people would think she’d look amazing in it as well. I mean, we’re talking about a woman whose measurements were 38-26-OMG! So, I’m thinking about how many guys I may possibly have to “defend her honor” against if they try to get too aggressive.

I simply came out and told her that although I wanted to see that outfit later, that I thought it would cause too much of the wrong attention from guys. She understood and went back inside to change. I got lucky. No arguing. No drama. I breathed a sigh of relief because I didn’t expect things to go over so smoothly.  Was it my tone?  My approach?  Or did she already have reservations about the outfit and just needed a tie-breaking vote?

Was I right to question what she had on at all? Should I have allowed her, as an adult, to wear what she thought was appropriate / comfortable for her? Or did I do right to speak my mind and express my feelings?  Shouldn’t we be representing each other if we’re going out as a couple? Regardless if an outfit is too sexy or if it should have been left back in 1975, can you state your case against it?  What would you do (or what have you done) in this position?

Fair or foul: Can a mate veto your outfit?

“So, let’s set the world on fi-ya!  We can burn brighter!  Than the suunnnnnnn!”

  1. Anonymous says:

    I think you can explain how you are uncomfortable but in the end it is YOUR insecurity and that should be address. The other party is an ADULT and should not be told what to wear. That is incorrect even if what the other person is wearing is inappropriate they should be respected and not treated as a child. You should say "I feel…blah blah blah" and leave the option open for the other person to change. This will avoid a future problem or situation of "you always make me do what YOU want me to do". You always allow free will in a relationship do not treat them as your child. -nessywrites

  2. Fair!! I'd rather be honest, than uncomfortable or annoyed all night because my mate decided to dress inappropriately! Besides, if you are with someone you should be able to share how you feel in a way that is not offensive and together come to a conclusion. This doesn't mean your mate will always agree…but you can't go wrong with honesty and open communication, especially if it is sincere!! ~Brittany

  3. If I'd listen to a best friend tell me I looked ridiculous in an outfit why not a guy? I don't think I'd be happy about it if they said, "You look like a damned slut and I'm not going out with you dressed like that" so I do think it's all about approach and tone. Yours was pretty perfect. Simply explain your concerns and request to see it later in private. Who can be upset when they are told they look TOO smoking hot and that you want that outfit all to yourself? πŸ˜‰ Well, okay, some women may be. I personally wouldn't have a problem with it though. That may be because I don't go "clubbing" and wouldn't be caught in public in a cat suit though. Another great one, Q.

  4. Thank, Q says:

    Hey, Nessy! I think the approach is the key. It makes it a lot more stressful to say, "Oh, you're NOT wearing that" as opposed to just giving an opinion. It also is important to choose a mate wisely and to understand that if they were wearing those types of outfit when you met, then things won't change if you date.Thanks for chiming in!

  5. Kev D. says:

    I don't think telling a girl that she looks TOO SEXY will ever truly backfire. If you had told her she looked like a total whore, that would have been a whole other story no doubt.

  6. Thank, Q says:

    Thanks for stopping in, Brittany! I'm with you. I'd rather be honest than uncomfortable any day of the week.

  7. Thank, Q says:

    Thanks, Jewels, you little Dirty Stay Out, you! LOL! But, c'mon, you've never donned a cat suit? No, "here, kitty, kitty" for Jewels?

  8. Thank, Q says:

    LOL! Yeah, I'm sure the story would have been completely different. It may have involved assault, running and a 911 call had I told her that.

  9. Vinny C says:

    It's okay to give your significant other the heads-up if their wardrobe is putting them in a compromising situation. You'd want them to do it for you, right?

  10. Thank, Q says:

    I'd hope so. I would't want to go to the mall dressed like Dolemite and The Mrs. not tell me.

  11. hahaha. I don't think any man has ever said, "here, kitty, kitty" to me until you just now. I've been called Kitten though. lol. And no, no catsuits. I'm all for looking sexy but not overtly and if so not outside the bedroom or my man's house. I like to keep those looks private.

  12. Thank, Q says:

    I understand that totally. Some things should be for "members only."

  13. My significant other sometimes says things are not flattering, and I wear them anyway and usually get complements. There are some that he loves that other hate. It really matters if I am comfortable, but my days of sexy dance floor hotness are past for now, and I don't typically dress in any manner that would result in unwanted attention. However back in the day even if I covered up more I still felt like I got attention. Of course I never went to clubs with my men, only alone or with the girls. Of course if I was a hot mess my friends are the first to tell me so.

  14. Thank, Q says:

    Hey, that's what friends are for, Sweety Darlin. They should always regulate what the other wears so that there's no unwanted attention. As for your man, I think that a different approach has to be made. It should always start with a compliment. "Honey, you're hot in that dress, however…"

  15. Marrie says:

    Here's the deal. I think it's important to be honest with your partner…BUT…you have to be prepared for consequences {ie. hurt feelings, anger, resentment}. No sense in keeping your mouth shut only to brood and be snippy all night, leaving her to wonder “why the attitude”. Simply put, my mates opinion has value with me {otherwise I wouldn't be with him} and if he felt strongly about something I was wearing I would want him to tell me. Sh*t who am I kidding? He loves it when I dress sexy…he wants me to dress sexier more often! This is why we work as a couple. The Dress Test may have been a dis-qualifier for her or you. A sign of not being compatible.

  16. I think that out of respect for your partner you should be able to veto each other's outfits if they aren't appropriate. As long as feedback is given respectfully and reasons given it's no big deal. Great question!

  17. Thank, Q says:

    That's true. It's all about compatibility. Even if she wanted to wear the dress, it wouldn't have made her wrong. It would have just meant that she needed a guy who would appreciate it more. A guy who may not mind confronting the onlookers.

  18. Thank, Q says:

    Thanks, SDD! It should definitely be a two-way street!

  19. First let me say thanks for linking up on my Friday Blog Hop! Second….my situation is totally the opposite! lol My significant would LOVE it if I would dress with a little more skin showing! It would take ALOT for him to try to veto my “mom appropriate” attire! πŸ˜‰ I definitely agree though that there is a time and place for some outfits!

  20. Quincy S says:

    Thanks for commenting, Heather! I guess it's more comforting to be in a situation to ask for “more skin” instead of “less skin” for most men. But, you're right when you say that there is a time and place for certain outfits. Unfortunately, most people don't know the time or the place. No one wants to show up with their spouse at a family reunion and they look like a stripper or a pimp.

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